9 Stages of Going On A Date. Parent Style.

1) Decide to go on a date!
You've not spoken to each other properly in about three months. Well you have had two in depth discussions. One was about nits, the other "should be get a new shed?" oh and there was a small one sided rant about putting the washing away. A date is in order. Or a divorce.

2) Sort a baby sitter
Choice is limited. Between various peoples schedules, the fact that your children are sods to put to bed when you are in charge let alone anyone else. You end up scheduling a four hour slot on a Sunday afternoon where they can have a play, their dinner and cause minimal damage to someone else's house.

3) Get excited!
The excitement. Of four whole hours free to do what you want is immense!!! FOUR WHOLE HOURS! You could fly to Paris and back (OK literally that would be it) but still FOUR WHOLE HOURS.


4) Make rough plans
"We shall be youth and wing it" you discuss amongst yourselves. We can just "go up town" and find some snazzy bar to drink, eat and laugh in. You forget it is a Sunday afternoon. You forget that one of you has to drive. You forget your knowledge of snazzy bars? Equals Weatherspoons.

You manage to ditch the kids with minimum fuss. OK there was a small 'bribing' ("look I will buy you 57 Kinder Eggs just please stop crying WE ONLY HAVE FOUR HOURS") incident. But you escaped. You made it out. You feel free, you laugh manically, you are holding hands, there is an awkward kiss. YOU ARE IN LOVE! Now where to go and share this love??...

6) Mmmmmm?
...You end up in Five Guys. You saw it once on someone you know who is vaguely fashionable's instagram. You make a vow not to talk about the children. You moan about how expensive the burgers are, whilst taking numerous selfies to immediately put on Facebook under the title "DATE DAY!!!". 

Quick put it on Facebook!

7) Time is Running Out
You have three hours left. What could be done in three hours? You could rush home and have a debauched afternoon but quite frankly? You're both knackered. You remember the time your son said a really rude word and how you laughed inside whilst you told him off. And isn't cute the way your girl snores when she sleeps? Someone tentatively mentions "shall we just go to the cinema then?".

8) Final Destination
The lure of the pick and mix you don't have to share, the dead comfy seats, the fact that if you put your 3D glasses on? Your other half won't notice you are having a sly nap. Date day rocks! You lift up the armrest to feel all romantic but really it's so you can rest on your other half's shoulder whilst you snooze. Zzzzzz.

9) The End
3 and a half hours has gone past in the blink of an eye. You only discussed the kids around ten times. No-one mentioned sheds, a small scratch of your head involved a brief discussion about nits. You gorged on over priced burgers and sweets. You napped through Avengers Assemble whilst having a little cuddle. Now what to do with your last sweet half hour of joy?...

...F*ck somehow we have to source 57 Kinder Eggs.
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