28.4.16

The Don't Beat Yourself Up Guide To Asking For Help

As I write this I am in bed ill. I woke up all dizzy at 4:30am, cried for a bit and then made a decision. Today? I ask for help. Today? I say "look I could get the kids to school but the chances are if I do make it there alive I will probably sob on the headmistress and then she will think I am mad and put me on that list of parents that shouldn't by rights have kids". In the past five years of being a Mum I have learnt my lesson that sometimes? As amazing as we are? Mothers can be martyrs.

We feel that it is our responsibility to be on the ball at all times. That we are super human and you know what? Most of the time I am. I can juggle a million and one things and still ensure that the tea is on the table for 5pm (OK it's only nuggets but there is chopped up cucumber there too!). We feel that we should always be there for our kiddos doing everything we can, sometimes to the detriment of our own health. Whether it be our bodies being poorly or us losing our tiny minds.

Today I drink tea and say "SCREW YOU WASHING UP!" Well at least for a few hours

When I had my son I had a c section. And a toddler. So I should have said "OK so my stomach has been like cut open n' sh*t and I've got this crazy two year old that is demanding to be picked up and things. I think I need a rest". But I didn't I went "I AM WOMAN. HEAR ME ROAR. YOU CAN CUT ME OPEN AND TO PROVE THAT I AM OK I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD!". So the day after coming out the hospital? I went to a ballet class (as in watching it not doing it, have you seen the size of me?), I went to Sainsbury's. All lugging two humans around.

This was not a wise move and resulted in me having to go to the doctors for a rather gross thing we don't need to discuss here (seriously gross). I should have halted. And accepted that I can't do everything all the time. I am really lucky enough to have parents who live nearby and a husband that will help out (if I blatantly point it out). So now rather than sulking and vomiting all the way on the school run, wiping my mouth going "no really! I'm fine". I take a break. I take a time out. It may be for a half hour lie down or like today a point blank "I can't do this. Please could you take over".

There is no shame in our game. I know full well when my two grow up I would love to be there whenever they needed me. And I think sometimes showing them that we aren't perfect and sometimes we get poorly and need a break too is OK. I want my children to grow up strong but also realise that weaknesses are acceptable. And whilst I am sat here in bed just ITCHING to go down and do the washing up. I'm not going to. I'm going to get a cup of tea and watch some reality crap and hopefully feel better for a cuddle or three when the loons return from school.
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