15 Reasons Why Toddlers Are Living The Frickin Dream

1) A midday nap is encouraged.

2) And 12 hours sleep is seen as the ideal and not just pure lazy.

3) You get to crap and p*ss where you want and when you want. With no consequences.

4) But... if you do either in the potty? You get treats!

A bold look there bab

5) You can tell a few home truths ("Mummy you've got a big belly!" "Mummy that man smells!") and nobody minds as "Ooooh aren't they funny? They don't really know what they are saying!". Sometimes they know exactly what they are saying.

6) You can wear ridiculous outfits and look cute. Not like a person who has lost their marbles.

7) Constant snacking is essential for everyday life to continue. Not frowned upon as you being a huge greedy cow.

8) If you're p*ssed off? Just can just drop to the floor. Wherever the hell you like.

Yes it is more than reasonable to drop to the floor as I EVILLY took you on a playdate

9) Or you can scream hysterically knowing full well there is f*ck all anyone can do to stop you.

10) You get full command of the remote control or you will do 8), 9) or a psychotic combination of both.

11) Household chores are limited to just moving the odd bit of LEGO around or maybe a Shopkin. Generally underneath Dad's foot, in Mum's work bag or under the couch where it will live. Forever.

12) Walking is not always mandatory. In fact? Being pushed around is preferable.


13) Your only consequence is a trip to the naughty door. Whether it be a small crime like spilling a drink on purpose. Or smashing your sister proper hard in the face with a chair.

14) Almost every horrific thing you do is blamed on a 'growth spurt' or 'being overtired'. And not just you sometimes being a total and utter arse.

15) As well as managing to get your poo in a bowl you may also get rewards for: going to bed, staying in bed, being kind, sharing, eating all your dinner, getting dressed, not biting, not hitting. In fact? Any normal human action can be rewarded. Happy days!
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