They will listen when I'm cross with my husband. They will be there when I've fallen out with someone at work. They patiently smile whilst I bang on about a never ending tirade of boring crap that normal people would say "SHUT THE F*CK UP" too. But my friends? Listen.
2. When You're Laughing. They Laugh Too
My friend and I call each other Linda. That's not funny. But to us? Hilarious. There is no one on earth that will make you belly laugh like a friend. To the point where tears are rolling down your face and a little bit of wee comes out. Which makes you laugh more.
3. They Love You. Even When You Look Like Sh*t
It has got to the stage with my closest friends that I am reluctant to put a bra on for them. In fact if you visit my house and I have no bra on and am in my pyjamas? Then you my friend are on my besties list. And if I do the same in your house? Consider yourself honoured (and maybe have a word with me as that is a step too far).
4. They Know Your Insanities. But Adore You For Them
I'm a maniac. I talk too fast. I talk too loudly. I get drunk and row. I get drunk and cry. I get angry over ridiculous things. But my friends? Kinda like this. They mega lol over my anger and scrape me off the floor when I cry like a maniac over something said three years ago.
5. They Tolerate Your Offspring
Kids can be insane. INSANE! But your friends will think they are adorable. Even those without children will understand that they are part of the package and roll with it when they are smashing chocolate into their kid free beige carpets. And if they don't understand? They are too nice to say.
6. They Know Your Stories
Friends know your stories. They know your history. They will remember the first boy your snogged. They will cringe with you when you discuss that man at work you fancied who was horrific. Your stories become their stories. And if those stories get exaggerated along the way? Even better.
7. They Can Be Gone For A While. But Come Back
Being a parent means your priorities shift. You can become distant. A bit useless. You fall off the social calender radar and cancel at the drop of the hat. You may not see a friend for months. But the second you manage to squeeze in time to chat? It's like you've never been a part. Gin is often involved.
Friends will be by your side and back you up but understand that fine line when you need to know you look like sh*te in that new top from Matalan. They will point out when someone is being a kn*b to you. And when you are looking beautiful? They will make sure you NEVER forget it.
9. They Don't Need Conversations
Friends understand emoticons. They get a gif. If you are on a night out a song can play and with one look you are reminded of something that happened three years ago. Who needs to chat when you can send an aubergine and dance to Vanilla Ice?
10. They Forgive You When You're A D*ck
Friendships take work. Like anything you only get what you put in. And sometimes what you put in is total horse sh*t. But friends? Will forgive you when you are a d*ck. They won't shout when you turn up late or talk about your new baby for that bit too long...
...the only thing to remember is don't be a d*ck that often. As your friends? Are pretty amazing and they deserve far more than that.