Oh for f*cks sake. Tantrums still happen. Naughty steps are sourced but now in random hotels and you end up whisper shouting "JUST BE GOOD YOU ARE ON HOLIDAY" forty times a day. Whilst rolling your eyes at other holiday goers and exclaiming "he's just over tired!".
Tantrum. At the very top of The London Eye #skillz
2) Holiday's mean you get to spend quality time with your other half
You spend a good proportion of the holiday. HATING EACH OTHER. Sure you smile for the family shots you put on Facebook but in a tiny room there is nowhere to hide. Except the toilet.
3) Hotel rooms are smaller. So less mess is made!
Whilst you manage to keep a grip on the crap at home. Just. A hotel room? Can be destroyed by two tiny people within approximately 30 seconds. It remains that way for your duration. Your pants are next to snacks. You lose your toothbrush and where the hell are the baby wipes?
4) The excitement of big beds means that kids sleep well
You are an idiot if you believe this. You more than likely end up squashed all four of you in one single bed and my son has been known to sleep on the floor.
Anyone fancy sleeping on a plastic bag?
5) When children stay up late on holiday? They lie in the next day
Again. You are an idiot if you believe this. They get up the same time. If not earlier.
6) Illnesses don't travel on holiday with you
Vomiting bugs can still travel with you (just ask housekeeping at our most recent hotel stay), as can nose bleeds, never ending coughs that keep everyone awake and your husband still snores. OK that's not an illness. Just f*cking annoying.
7) You wish constantly that life was always like one big holiday
A lot of the time you are there you secretly wish you were at home, alone, in bed, with the curtains closed.
8) Organisation means everything on your holiday goes to plan
There is NO amount of organisation that can prepare you. Lists, apps, packing four weeks in advance. Nothing. If your son is going to vomit over the majority of your items that are strewn across the room? You my friend are screwed.
WHAT IS THE WIFI CODE TELL ME IT NOW BEFORE I SCREAM
In the way in which the war joined people together. Indeed you and your other half to become closer. Lack of sleep, not knowing where the nearest soft play is, that moment when you can't work out the wifi code all provide moments where you have to work together as a team (aka throwing the blame at each other).
10) Holidays are relaxing
Tired parents. Happy Kids. Standard holiday joy
11) Kids have the time of their lives and can't wait for the next one
Kids do indeed have the time of their lives and can't wait for the next one. They don't remember their tantrums, sleeping on the floor seems a right laugh and even being sick is a bit of an adventure. They love every frickin second of it which is why we put ourselves through it time and time again.
12) Holidays are booze fuelled
HELL YEAH THEY ARE!!!.
Mmmmmm tiny hotel fridge with booze.