Saturday, 21 October 2017

Saturday Before Kids V Saturday After Kids

Wake Up
The Dream - You are gently awoke by a glint of Autumn sun through your window. You look lovingly at your other half and then the clock. It's 10am. You decide to treat your significant other to breakfast in bed. You then settle in for a cuddle and a bit of netflix and chill.
The Reality - You are ripped from your sleep by a small child screaming something about putting YouTube on. You look at your other half with pure hate. It's 5am. You decide to resentfully treat your significant other to a lie in. But if he's not up by 7am? The sh*t is going to hit the fan. Hard.

Breakfast
The Dream - As you were out 'up town' last night you quickly rustle up a few sausage sandwiches, two mugs of builders tea. Mild hangovers are fine when you know you can have a lazy morning ahead.
The Reality - Half a piece of toast that you stole of your sons plate whilst he watched another video of weirdo Americans playing with Kinder Eggs. It felt a bit soggy. Too much Flora? Or previously chewed on? Whatever. Tasted nicer than your luke warm sick tea. Your husband is still not up. You plot ways to kill him.


OTTD
The Dream - As it's Autumn you pull on a brand new pair of boots you brought out whilst shopping last week. They are leather and fit perfectly over your skinny jeans and breton striped t shirt. Quick curl of the hair and you're read to go!
The Reality - You've lost an Ugg. You drag out last years Matalan boots and hastily shove them over the top of your (still maternity) leggings. Your kids however look immaculate. Like they've just stepped out of a catalogue. Sods.

Morning Activity
The Dream - You are torn between a walk the country or a visit to the shops up town. To have a little bit of therapy and bubbles with the girls. You opt for shopping. May as well show those new boots off!
The Reality - You wait for your kids to put their shoes on. There is a minor tantrum when one can't get their coat done up. You are all set to go and blow some steam off at the local soft play. You've been awake for hours! You look at the clock. It's 8am. F*ck it's not open yet. Park it is!


Lunch
The Dream - A lovely girl lunch with bubbles and a few cocktails.
The Reality - McDonalds. Standard.

Afternoon Activity
The Dream - Well it could be a mixture between more shopping, the cinema or even a nap! The world is your oyster!
The Reality - Well it could be a mixture between a kids party, or another kid party, or rowing in Ikea or perhaps another kids party! You relish the joy that there may be some dirty meatballs or cold pizza on offer at the end.

Dinner
The Dream - After a few texts between mates you skip dinner as you have been invited out to impromptu drinks in the local. You will grab some gourmet snacks there. You get your glad rags on and rush out the door.
The Reality - Everyone is still full up on sausage rolls from this afternoons soft play party. So you decide to get out the popcorn and watch a film together. After a small row you settle on Micky's Christmas Special (it's October). You put your pyjamas on. It's 5pm. You have no intention of moving off the couch. You feel quite happy about this. Any sadness about not being in heels in a bar is squished by two children cuddling you (aka sitting on your head).


Bedtime
The Dream - You and your other half stumble in at 2am. You've got nothing to do tomorrow. So you fall asleep after a cracking night with people you love. Safe in the knowledge you can sleep in till noon the next day.
The Reality - You and your other half start to watch American Horror Story on opposite sides of the couch at 8pm. You fall asleep. Knackered after a day where you howled with laughter when your son made a joke about boobies. You were proud when your daughter reached the highest point of the soft play. You drift off safe in the knowledge that you got up at 5am today and so help me god if he doesn't tomorrow? He's going to get a swift kick in the balls.
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4 comments

  1. Omg Emma, this is my actual life ha ha, the things we do for our kids.. brilliant post as always xx

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  2. Literally my life. That’s what I love so much about you. In your observational humour - you make me feel less alone! I think you are bloody fantastic Emma, don’t ever change.

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