11 Things I Would Tell My Pre-Child Self

1. Sleep when you can. Lie in, go to bed early, have naps. Sometimes spend the whole day in bed. Sleeping. And if you think "oh I better get up now!". Don't. Sleep. And then sleep some more.

2. Rather than seeing going to a supermarket as a boring chore. Treat every visit like an adventure. Peruse the clothes, run your fingers through the DVDs. Stand at the magazine racks and breathe in the fact that no one is screaming for a Peppa Pig £5.99 issue that is worth 50p. If that.

3. If friends ask you for an impromptu drink? Go. If someone asks you go to go the cinema? On a Sunday afternoon? Make sure you attend. And eat every piece of pick n mix with glee #nosharing.

Sleep when you can

4. Make sure each holiday you go on is have more luxurious than the one before. Visit places where buggies wouldn't be allowed. See showgirls in Vegas, go trekking in Thailand and if you think "We can visit New York in a few years" don't. Go immediately and shove every nook and cranny of your case with high heeled shoes and sexy underwear.

5. Whilst the TV is just something that lives in your living room. Give it the attention that glorious machine deserves. Relish every single hour you get to watch whatever you want, whenever you want. Get Netflix, save whole seasons of really sweary programmes and watch horror films in the privacy of your own home at 9:30am on a Saturday morning (preferably from bed).

6. Don't shop for clothes online. Visit the shops. Take a stroll through Top Shop on a busy weekend. Spend hours in the changing room. Don't moan about it being hot and sweaty. And if it is? Go to a bar and enjoy a cocktail before you go home for another nap.

Drink when you can

7. When looking for a new handbag go for style over substance. If you want a hot pink tiny clutch that will only hold your phones and keys? Go for it. And make sure you get coats without hoods and don't have to be waterproof.

8. Treat every cup of tea as if it was your last. Make drinking tea a hobby. Have it hot. Scolding hot. Slurp it out of a giant mug at your leisure and then take a nap.

9. Love your body the way it is. Don't focus on any tiny lumps and bumps. It will at some point change irrevocably. And you will look back on your pre-child gut with jealously.

Travel when you can

10. When you wee/poo/take a shower take in each glorious second. The peace and quiet. The lack of an audience and the wonderful feeling that it can be done at any time of the day and night. But don't do it too much at night as that's when you should be enjoying all that sleep.

11. Don't worry about the right time to have kids. As there really is never a right time. When they come along your life will change forever. There will be no sleep. Bags will be ginormous. Holidays will be spent at Butlins. And hangovers will suck massively. However. Despite all this you will never feel a love with such a force and despite missing your former life you won't regret it for a second. Promise.*

 *Bar the naps. I'll never get over not being able to have naps. Or lie ins. Or a night of unbroken sleep. Sigh.
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