The Dream: This morning you put a lovely stew concoction in the slow cooker and it has been marinating all day. It will be ready at the perfect time when your children get peckish and your husband returns from a busy day at work.
The Reality: F*CK I FORGOT TO GET ANYTHING OUT OF THE FREEZER AND I CANNOT SERVE UP NUGGETS AGAIN! Thank god there is a mince shoved at the back of the fridge. Yeah it goes out of date today but it's fine! I shall make spag bol and be all continental. Nigella? Eat your heart out!
The Dream: Sigh I'm so glad that the slow cooker was created! It means I can relax and enjoy my day in peace. I've also made extra so it will be frozen and eaten again at the weekend. I'm going to grab a cup of tea and watch Loose Women.
The Reality: Right the kids are quietly watching YouTube. Time to crack on with it. "Why are you screaming?". "Stop hitting your brother!". "Get off the dog!". "IF YOU PUT YOUR HAND BY THE HOB ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR TO GOD..."
You think I'm gonna eat that sh*t your serving? Oh the megalols. Fool
The Dream: As I plan my meals well in advance I make sure that I have all the correct ingredients in the house. I choose the finest meat, organic fruit and veg and even managed to grab a nice bottle of red that compliments the food marvellously.
The Reality: I am sure if I look at the back of the cupboard there are some herbs milling around. They came in a special set I got for Christmas from Boots. YES! GOT THEM! F*ck they are three years out of date. It's OK! Lightly seasoned with salt and pepper is all the rage these days anyway!
Setting The Table
The Dream: We have collected a wide range of plates over the years so the table is a mismatch of beautiful patterns that will look great when I instagram this later.
The Reality: Grab four plates. Two are chipped. One has Elsa's face on. The other Spider Man but part of his nose has been scratched off. BOOM!
If it don't come with chips? I don't want it!
Sitting Down To Eat
The Dream: It's so nice to all sit down together as a family and really chat about the days events. It's great to hear what my children got up to at nursery and school and my husband has some really funny stories to tell about work. I shall treasure these meal times forever.
The Reality: Sh*t. For some reason managed to finish the tea early and we are eating at 4:30pm. I am sure that the other half will relish congealed (very) lightly seasoned Spag Bol that's only an hour cold. Double s*t. Despite eating this a mere week ago both kids have now decided they HATE spag bol and are screaming for nuggets. GAH! INGRATES!!!
The Dream: Of course I baked a cake! Which they are all now happily tucking into in contented silence.
The Reality: Pudding (froobes) will have to wait. I've got to shove some nuggets on quickly before they both kick off. At least they will be ready in time for the husband and I can polish off three half eaten ones whilst I wash up. Small things eh?